Step #1 - Getting Over an Ex and Dating
Once it is obvious that a relationship is over (step #10), it is time to move on. People handle failed relationships differently, and everyone has their own grieving process. Here are a few do’s and don’ts.
1) Don’t contact your ex. This includes calling your ex, attempting to randomly run into him/her, and cyber stalking.
2) Don’t take their calls. If you do run into him/her, be polite, but brief. Do not share personal details of what you have been doing since the two of you stopped dating or “catch-up.”
3) Do talk to your friends about the situation if you feel that you must, but remember that psychologists are well paid and everything gets tiresome after a while.
4) Do date. Go out to dinner or drinks, the sooner the better. Dating legitimizes the break-up. It is also distracting and fun.
5) Don’t talk to a date about your recent break-up. Don’t commence a conversation with “I am not ready for anything serious because I just got out of something.” True or not, you just dismissed someone who could be the man/woman of your dreams.
6) Don’t obsess about what went wrong with your failed relationship or what you could have done differently. It’s over and if it was truly meant to be, it would have worked out with your ex.
7) Do note what you liked and didn’t like about your ex and the relationship so that you can determine your dating goals (step #7) and deal-breakers (step #9).
2 comments:
I love 3!! All great points! I do think though, that people should realize that failed relationships were not a waste of time if they can learn something from them. I've had certainly awful ones, but I don't regret any of them because I learned what I want (or don't want), how I act out when I'm not happy (subconsciously) so I now know the warning signs, and what to look (out) for in the next person I do date. So I think obsessing over exes and what went wrong is bad, but I do think people can really benefit and it's super healthy to objectively look at the relationship when you've finally emotionally distanced from it to see what you can learn from it. I think it's the final step in the grieving process to be able to consider a failed relationship in a
mature fashion.
Yes, I think the best thing once you've given yourself time to grieve is to take a step back and rationally think about and recognize what went wrong- mistakes you both made, and make a mental note to next time not do the same thing, or recognize the red flags earlier on when the relationship is going sour. But I do agree that it is really hard not to call!
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