My Ex Won't Leave Me Alone

In response to "Bumping" into an Ex, Mavis commented, “If this is true then why is it that every time I run into my ex he wants to hang with me? I'm never going to meet someone new if he's always with me in public!!”

Overwhelmingly, women are more interested in their ex following a relationship. Men have a tendency to care a whole lot less about their ex unless 1) they are looking for an easy hook-up or 2) their ego becomes involved.

Plain and simply, men are after sex. Men may take long walks on a beach or share romantic candle lit dinners; however, these romantic gestures are not due to their sensitivity but a desire to progress the relationship physically. Remember that your ex has already learned what to do and say to create an atmosphere which promotes physicality. They are also fully aware that a woman is far more willing to hook-up with someone with whom she is comfortable and has already been intimate. So, if a guy sees his ex out and he does not have another prospect immediately available, his ex becomes the most plausible hook-up option for the evening.

Another reason an ex may want to hang out around you following a relationship is ego. Men are possessive and have strong attachments to property. A man will always be tied to a car that he drove or owned, even if he hasn’t had possession of the car in decades. They feel the same way about women. A guy may feel that his ego is threatened whenever another male tries to cash in on his ex.

The best way to confront an ex that "bumps into you" and then wants to hang out is to acknowledge then dismiss him. Say something to the effect, “It’s great to see you. I hope everything is going great.” Don’t elaborate on the details of your life, but finish the brief conversation with “I am here with people. Nice to see you. Take care.” Physically move away from your ex either across the room, to a new area, or a new establishment. If they don’t take the hint and pursue you further, then they may have a bigger problem.

Getting Over a Relationship is Like Starting a Diet

Getting over a relationship takes the same patience and dedication as a diet. Although both dieting and moving on after a relationship are grueling and painful, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some helpful reminders to assist with quick success on both fronts.

1) Avoid trips down memory lane. On a diet don’t go places that remind you of your favorite foods. After a break-up don’t go places that remind you of your ex. Take this opportunity and new freedom to go places and participate in activities that you just never found time for before.

2) Distract yourself. On a diet, distract yourself when you are hungry. After a break-up the same principle applies. Go to the gym, volunteer, or see a movie. Keep yourself busy, so you don’t have time to think about your ex.

3) Avoid temptation. You wouldn’t bake a cake after you just started a diet, so don’t tempt yourself after a break-up. Don’t call your ex, hang out with their friends, or try to foster communication with them. Eating just a bite can lead to failure on a diet, and why take the chance that you may have to start over.

4) Don’t obsess. Friends can be supportive when you are on a diet, but it gets tiresome to hear every morsel of food you consumed in the past 24 hrs. Friends want to hear your progress. For example, are you dating any one new? It can be maddening to listen to someone repetitively go over every reason the relationship failed, over and over again.

"Bumping" into an Ex

Generally, when a woman runs into an ex, she takes the time to chat with him. Men, on the other hand, practice evasion and avoidance. For whatever reason, women have a strong desire to show-up their exes. They want to prove that they are happier, more successful, and more desirable than their former beau, so they engage in superficial conversation to determine what their ex has been up to and flaunt their own accomplishments.

Forget about the past and old relationships. Most of the time there is a good reason why they didn't work, and an ex is the one person you don't want to meet when you are out with your new boyfriend. The mind has a way of allowing you to remember the past fondly, even if it was not so great.

So I reiterate, forget about old relationships; however, if you decide to venture into past memories, try to remember the reasons for the relationship being over.

Step #1 - Getting Over an Ex and Dating

Once it is obvious that a relationship is over (step #10), it is time to move on. People handle failed relationships differently, and everyone has their own grieving process. Here are a few do’s and don’ts.

1) Don’t contact your ex. This includes calling your ex, attempting to randomly run into him/her, and cyber stalking.

2) Don’t take their calls. If you do run into him/her, be polite, but brief. Do not share personal details of what you have been doing since the two of you stopped dating or “catch-up.”

3) Do talk to your friends about the situation if you feel that you must, but remember that psychologists are well paid and everything gets tiresome after a while.

4) Do date. Go out to dinner or drinks, the sooner the better. Dating legitimizes the break-up. It is also distracting and fun.

5) Don’t talk to a date about your recent break-up. Don’t commence a conversation with “I am not ready for anything serious because I just got out of something.” True or not, you just dismissed someone who could be the man/woman of your dreams.

6) Don’t obsess about what went wrong with your failed relationship or what you could have done differently. It’s over and if it was truly meant to be, it would have worked out with your ex.

7) Do note what you liked and didn’t like about your ex and the relationship so that you can determine your dating goals (step #7) and deal-breakers (step #9).