Taming the Toxic Bachelor (Part 1)

According to the Urban Dictionary, toxic bachelors are the “worst men around. They are liars, cheats, users and abusers. Toxic bachelors are expert players and will always lie to women and to whom ever to get what they want. They will often use the same pick up lines and rely heavily on their looks and fake charm to attract women. Extremely shallow and only care about physical appearances. Toxic bachelors are typically good looking, well dressed and are usually salesmen.”

Despite adverse health risks linked to the Toxic Bachelor lifestyle, the movement is gaining popularity. Eventually, after ten to twenty years of hangovers and weekend relationships, these men grow up and settle down with a woman ten years their junior. Does a modern woman have to just wait and hope that she catches one of these guys when they are finally ready to settle down, or is it possible to tame the Toxic Bachelor?

Dating a Co-worker

Dating a co-worker is one of the worst ideas imaginable. An office relationship will always have some negative implications no matter how much planning, secrecy, and diplomacy is involved. If the temptation is too overwhelming, here are some suggestions to minimize causalities.

Have an exit strategy. Before you begin a relationship, consider the consequences of it ending. Will you be able to handle the emotional and professional pressure of seeing this co-worker every day if things don’t work out, and can you re-establish a professional demeanor with a person?

If things do work out and you decide to tie the knot, you should be prepared for one of you to look for another job, either outside the company or within another department. Whether you can both stay in your current positions will depend on your company’s policy and the reaction of your co-workers and supervisors.

Avoid dating your subordinate. When a manager dates someone who reports directly to him or her, the relationship usually presents a genuine conflict of interest for the manager. As a supervisor, you are responsible for evaluating your employee's work and making promotion and compensation decisions. Dating someone who reports to you could cause fellow employees to accuse you of favoritism or cutting your lover too much slack.

And, while you both may get involved in a relationship consensually, if (when) the romance fades you and your company could be hit with a harassment lawsuit if the employee feels mistreated, didn’t get a desired raise or promotion or worse, is terminated.

Keep your love life to yourself. If you are going to start a relationship with a co-worker, it’s best to keep it between the two of you. Avoid any public displays of affection and discussions regarding personal matters at the office. . Also remember that most companies have strict e-mail policies, so it’s best to keep non-professional communication offline. Be totally professional in the office or around other co-workers. And if confronted by others, deny, deny, deny. It’s not lying when you refuse to be forthcoming with your personal and private matters

Don’t let your relationship affect your performance. If your romance is affecting your work, you may be asked to end your relationship or find another job. You may have to decide between your career and your companion. (Read original article.)

Where Do I Find a Date?

In our busy lives, sometimes we don't make time to socialize much less date. Listed below are nine ideas of where to find new friends as well as potential dates.

1) Look in your neighborhood - Look in the area where you live. Proximity plays a big part in friendships as well as romantic relationships. Dog parks, libraries, pubs, coffeehouses, grocery stores, Laundromats, and bookstores are all casual places to meet new people.

2) Play a sport, take a class, or join a club – Lots of towns have adult sport programs including kickball, softball, basketball, etc. Also consider taking a class in something that interests you. You'll learn something new and make new friends with similar interests. Many towns offer a variety of classes in art, sports, music, etc. Finally, if you have a hobby, think about joining a club. Whether you enjoy reading books, scrapbooking, scuba diving, or running, there is a local club for you.

3) Hang out near a university campus - Campuses are great places to meet people. Whether you are in school or not, university campuses and the nearby coffehouses, pubs, and bookstores are great places to meet single coeds and graduate students.

3) Go on a blind date - Ask around. Friends and relatives are good sources for getting exposed to other people.

4) Join a health club – Lately, health clubs have started to attract big crowds. You can always go up and socialize with anyone in a health club and might find a possible date in the process.

5) Go to bars, pubs, and coffeehouses - Bars and coffeehouses are one of the best places to find a date. Many single men and women hang out in groups and it's easy to go up and talk to them.

6) Try a dating service – One option is speed dating. Speed dating is a special event organized whereby single people from all areas of life collect under one roof with an aim to find a potential date. Also consider signing-up for online dating sites. There are numerous web sites that feature chat rooms, personal ads and individual photos. This is the best and the fastest new age way of getting a date.

7) Attend church - Familiar places like church, temple or mosque are good venues to see who's out there. Spiritual people have been known to be more trust worthy in a relationship in the long term. Moreover it is attended by thousands of people daily many of whom are single.

8) Volunteer - Help build houses for Habitat for Humanity, give out beverages at marathons, or join one of the many other volunteer organizations. Initiating a conversation with a fellow volunteer is easy because you can discuss the activity at hand.

9) Go to parties - Mingle. Try and attend all sorts of parties. Parties attract big chunks of people including single people who also might be looking for a potential date.

MATCHinform’s Guide to Informed Dating

MATCHinform’s guide to informed dating advises you to be available (step #3) and not to allow desperation to control your behavior (step #5). This is not original advice and is commonly doled out as a dating tip in the form “be available, but don’t seem available.” It makes no sense to say be available, but don’t act available. So to understand this concept, I am going to offer another perspective.

Step #3 – Shop for a date in the right market. This advice centers on meeting your potential date. Physically go to places that are conducive to meeting singles that interest you. Do not go out to a bar with a pack of girlfriends or a guy friend and expect to meet anyone. You are not approachable under such circumstances. Go with one friend, sit or stand in proximity to people you want to meet, and most importantly have fun (or pretend to at the very least.) People are drawn to happiness and excitement.

Step #5 – Market your strengths effectively / Desperation cannot rule. When you are out having fun, don’t stop talking to your girlfriend because some guy starts talking to you. While meeting the man or woman of your dreams and getting married may be your number one priority, do not let others know this agenda. People pick their potential mate for various reasons (e.g., success, power, and attractiveness). Sell these points first. Remember when shopping, you have to like the clothes before you try them on! Build intrigue by demonstrating that your friends, career, and family are important to you and that you have your life in order and do not NEED to meet him.

Step #3 – Shop for a Date in the Right Market

Based on the popularity of this weeks set of posts, I have decided to embark on a journey to establish MATCHinform’s steps to meet, date and marry the love of your life.

Step #2 – Quit being friends with members of the opposite sex. (This includes anyone you previously dated.)

Step #3 – Shop for a date in the right market / Be available.

I am surprised how many people actually give the opposite advice and tell you to be unavailable. When you play hard to get or pretend to be busy, etc. this will be interpreted as a lack of interest. Sincerity is always the best approach.

Being available has several facets. First, you have to be physically in the environment where you are going to meet the right person. Recently, I read an article that woman of a certain age should not go to a bar to meet men. This is absolutely NOT true.

What women need to do is pay attention to the time, day and type of establishment. You are not going to find a guy looking for a serious girlfriend at a downtown club on a Saturday night. There are exceptions to the rule, but why not put the odds in your favor.

The places to meet men are Happy Hour, Sundays at the sports bar during the fall, in the morning at an Irish bar on Saint Patty’s Day, etc. So you wanted to go to the gym after work, or get your nails done on Sunday afternoon…do you also want to be single the rest of your life? Because frankly you can’t compete with the rest of the women who have the same gym and pedicure schedule and who also only go out on Friday and Saturday nights.