Submitting a Profile and Responding to One Effectively

In my experience with social networking, I have found many people who choose to date using Internet dating sites make various mistakes when marketing themselves on these venues. When browsing profiles, I read many that are almost boilerplate. I also see many photos that do not promote the subject's appearance, but instead attempt to impress readers with pictures of friends, past boy/girlfriends, cars, boats, pets, travel locations, etc.; moreover, when responding to a profile, daters often use canned responses that have little chance of catching the potential date's attention.

I browsed over 25 profiles today, and out of those profiles I found 19 that were virtually identical in the personal description section. These profiles used the same catch-phrases and buzzwords, almost as though they were written by the same person. Words such as: "spontaneous", "spiritual", "successful", "optimistic", "sensitive", "intelligent", "attractive”, "caring", "fun", "adventurous", etc. are far too common. Phrases such as: "looking for", "seeking someone", "in need of", "someone to complete", "my soulmate", "my friends would describe me as", "my family says", "I think I am", etc. are also cited at an alarming rate.

These buzzwords that are so commonly used make the author of the profile appear as though he/she put little thought into writing it, thus giving the impression he/she does not date seriously. The words are subjective and mean very little to a reader whose only knowledge of the writer is the profile itself. To not be taken seriously in a venue that allows one looking for a date to simply go to the next profile can prove disastrous with regard to getting quality responses. Many of the aforementioned phrases either tend to demonstrate a degree of desperation (i.e., seeking, soulmate, need, etc.) or sound self-serving and subjective as no reader cares how your friend or family describe you.

When describing yourself, as in any polite conversation, do not really say too much about yourself as you risk sounding boorish. Try to leave an open ended question for your reader. Intrigue him/her while inviting the reader’s involvement in the conversation. Instead of: I like Italian food. Try: I love Italian food, but am always looking to try new cuisine, any suggestions? Or: I have traveled to Europe and look forward to learning about other places, tell me about where you have been. Remember, you are not writing an advertisement; you are attempting to start a dialogue.

With regard to the photos, I notice while reading dating sites that there are far too many photos that do not tell a reader what he/she wants to knows. A photo on a profile is meant to serve a very practical purpose. It is simply to allow a reader to know if you meet his/her taste, physically. Trying to elude a reader about appearance only serves to make a reader think you are hiding something, and if hiding something is the motive, the only thing accomplished is a waste of two people’s time, as appearance will be quickly discovered upon the first meeting. Too many photos are of exotic travel locations, groups of friends or pets (which tend to take the emphasis off the subject of the profile), nieces or nephews, which give the impression you have children when you do not, or worst of all, a photo with an ex or someone who could appear to be an ex (even if you have obviously photo-shopped him/her out).

Most important, responding to a profile one finds attractive is something that, it seems to me, Internet daters have not figured out. Too many responses are exactly the same, and probably cut and pasted, then sent out to many. First of all, keep in mind that many Internet daters in a given geographical region are acquainted; they attend the same functions, eat and drink at the same establishments, and work together. I have been there when they discuss the same people who sent the same responses. When one responds to a profile, one must make sure to mention something unique from that profile, refer to a good smile or a specific hobbey. Remember to always write a response that gets the attention of its reader so that he/she will take the time to view the respondent’s profile, which if written properly, will increase the possibility of beginning a dialogue that leads to a date.