To be or NOT to be...married???

The following article is from Single or married - for better or worse? by Viv Griskop.

Fueled by pop culture phenomenons, Sex and the City and Bridget Hones Diary, the debate between single life and marriage rages. Cultural perceptions have shifted, as well as our expectations of coupledom and solitude. As divorce rates rise, and the two-parent family declines, the traditional view of marriage as the most desirable state has been thrown into question.

The positive outcome? Being single and proud has finally been accepted as a viable life choice. The downside is that many of us feel more confused than ever. On the one hand there is the idealized life of the carefree, independent woman, yet we still grow up conditioned by fairytales, classic novels and Hollywood movies to believe that 'happy ever after' means happily married. So is there an answer to this uniquely modern debate? Which is better for your long-term happiness and mental health, being single or being part of a couple?

The majority of research has found that, for both men and women, the most beneficial state in terms of physical and psychological wellbeing, financial gain and longevity, is marriage. A recent survey likened the benefits of marriage on our mental health to the equivalent of an annual cash injection of $100,000. In terms of our physical health marriage gives as much of a boost as giving up smoking. Married people earn more than single people, have better physical and psychological health, better longevity and reported happiness.

Interestingly, studies have also found that cohabiting couples do not seem to reap the same benefits as married couples. One theory is that optimistic people tend to marry – people who would have better physical and psychological health anyway. Another is that the difference lies in the tangible security offered by a marriage certificate.

The positive thing about relationships is that they tend to give us a safe base from which to explore the rest of the world. Single people usually don't have this, and when they do – by cultivating a select network of friends – it is a real fight for them to maintain the secure structure that automatically exists in a stable couple.

This does not mean, however, that all people in relationships are by definition happier than singles because being in the wrong couple can destroy your sense of security, especially if you're in a frustrating relationship where you are always seeking and not getting. If we are going to play good, better, best: a happy partnership (and, in fact, the socially recognized form of marriage) is statistically best, but happy singledom can be equally fulfilling. Next comes miserable singledom. But the worst condition, it seems, is an unhappy relationship.

Ultimately, the experts agree, mental wellbeing comes down to your attitude to life, which may be influenced by your marital status (or lack thereof), but is not exclusively defined by it. If you tend to assume that the grass is always greener – if you're married and envy your single friends, for example, then you're less likely to be satisfied. If you are settled, you do not have anxieties about your own deficiencies, as you might if you were unhappily single, or as you might about someone else's deficiencies, in an unhappy relationship.

A key psychological definition of happiness is a willingness to explore life, to maintain curiosity and be alive to new experiences. While single life allows greater freedom to do this, a long-term, doubt-free relationship gives many people a level of confidence and openness to life they may otherwise lack. Each state has its unique benefits, so perhaps even asking the question of who is happier – therefore dwelling on what lies on the other side of the fence – makes us less happy. Perhaps we should focus not on what we lack, but on what we can gain from the situation we find ourselves in.