Moving Too Fast?

Is a relationship doomed if you hop into bed on a first or second date? Real men weigh in—and reveal what can turn a night of lust into long-term love.

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. (Or maybe guy doesn’t even know her that well and merely thinks girl is kind of hot). No matter what the circumstances, the next step is pretty much always a given: Guy tries to have sex with girl.

The notion of male undifferentiated lust is so widespread (and true) that it has spawned generations worth of recommendations to women on how to handle their suitors’ earliest amorous advances. Most, if not all, the advice has been along the lines of “If he can get the milk free, why would he buy the cow?” In short, the conventional wisdom among a lot of women I know is this: If you have sex with a guy on a first or second date — or worse yet, on the very night he strikes up a conversation with you at a bar — then your chances for a long-term relationship with him are doomed.

But these days, shouldn’t you be able to have sex when you want and with whom you want, without worrying about it undermining your chances of enduring love? For the answer, I asked three men with very different perspectives to reveal what they think about women who’ll hop into bed at the drop of a hat—and what women can do and say that could convince a guy to keep calling. Read the full article by Steve Friedman (posted July 17, 2007).