Is it a Romantic Courtship or Stalking?
“I love him! I have to go…There is a man on that mountain that I intend to spend the rest of my life with, and nothing is going to keep me from him. Not fate, not destiny and definitely not you!” – Susan, Desperate Housewives (May 5, 2007). Is Susan’s gesture romantic or just short of stalking? According to a Rutgers University article, stalking may include the following types of behaviors:
• repeatedly visiting or "dropping by" uninvited;
• sending anonymous letters or other types of mailings such as e-mail;
• making persistent phone calls with or without leaving a message;
• giving unwanted gifts;
• following the victim while walking, driving or taking the campus bus, to class, or in other settings;
• watching and/or spying on the victim;
• writing threatening comments or graffiti where the victim will see it; and
• showing up wherever the victim is, tracking the victim's schedule.
What differentiates romance and stalking? Not too long ago, anonymous notes from a secret admirer, unannounced visits, tacky gifts, and “randomly” being at the same place at the same time were accepted as part of a courtship. And after a relationship is over, is it so unusual to vent? Tons of people have checked up on an ex or ranted about a past relationship either to mutual friends or online.
Are these behaviors threatening? Maybe the only difference is that such behaviors are considered romantic when you like (and want to see) the person and stalking when you don't.
1 comment:
This whole "stalking" definition leaves the interpretation up to the assumed victim. A victim cannot be allowed to create the crime according to his own feelings, theft does not become grand theft simply because a victim "feels" really badly about the crime, instead there is a strict, legal definition.
This allows women to become over-empowered. If a man sends roses and a card, it is generally considered charming; however, if that women decides there is more attention to be gained by acting as though it is a "stalker" and his feeling are completely unrequited, even if she has prompted such a gift through innocent flirtation, she can now scar his reputation with relative ease. She might also feel she can make herself appear more intriguing and attractive to other suitors.
It is like the fine line between office romance and sexual harassment. Coworkers can date for an extended period of time, but if that relationship should sour, as most will, great power is placed in the hands of the female member of the duo. Her claims, whatever they might be, are now taken seriously, even without a shred of evidence.
Women may not realize this, but all this undue empowerment is making life more difficult for them. They have inadvertently made many prospective boyfriends and husbands shy away from initiating any sort of a relationship with them. Frankly, as men, we are afraid of the repercussions of dating, and as most women can attest, the pool of available, employed gentlemen is not very deep.
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