Victim of a Cheater! by Nicole
Nicole, 29, in a relationship, DC:
I am currently in a relationship, and happy, but like many others I have been the victim of a cheater. My ex cheated with a co-worker and online through various dating sites and Craigslist.
I discovered that he was cheating almost accidently. It was the online casual encounters that I found out about first. He had been placing personal ads looking for "discrete encounters" on web sites like Lavalife and Craigslist.
I remember the day that I was surfing the Internet and saw odd dating sites in the web history. When I pulled up the sites, windows automatically filled in the user ID information for me (and the passwords weren’t too difficult to figure out). I was floored! I had not even suspected that he would cheat!
The strange thing is that until that day I trusted him almost completely. I rarely questioned him about his whereabouts and took what he told me at face value. In fact, in the 2 years we had known each other, this was only the second time that I invaded his privacy. The first time I went through some of his papers and found an old DUI arrest that he had failed to mention. I really had no reason to suspect that he had been trolling for women on dating sites.
At first I panicked. What if I had an STD or worse AIDS. I had no idea what I had been exposed to. At first I was in such shock that I was numb, but this gradually subsided to anger. That day I had never hated someone as much as I hated him. I really, really hated him. The moment you find out that someone you love and trust is cheating on you is perhaps one of the most horrible feelings that you will ever experience.
1 comment:
When I first found out about my finace's affair he flat out denied it. Said they were just friends blah blah blah. However the more I went over his replies in my head I kept seeing inconsistencies and asking more and more questions of him. It eventually took two days of constant dialogue/questions for the whole truth to come out and it was not pretty. He eventually moved out after the two days - I asked him to leave.
Long story short, in our case we are still together - he promised to stop all contact and become wholly accountable to me and we went through counseling. My finace has kept to his promise of always informing me of his whereabouts and hardly ever going out without me.
It has been circa 18 months and I really do not know if I did the right thing. Of course I will never really trust him because there are after all 10 hours of his work day when he could really be anywhere. Time will tell.
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